💎Membership Tiers: IYKYK

Alright, you beautiful degens, listen up! We heard your cries (and your empty wallets), so we've revamped our membership tiers to make sure even the brokest of smooth brains can get a taste of that sweet, sweet alpha. Behold, the new and improved OnlyCalls membership tiers:

OnlyCalls OG (1.069% supply)

• First access to calls (faster than your dating app rejections)

• Basically insider trading (but legal, we pinky swear)

• Flex on regular degens with your big brain energy

• Exclusive "Lambo Configurator" access (dream big, ape harder)

OnlyCalls Fans (0.42069% supply)

• 420.69 second delay (still earlier than your usual FOMO)

• Smart money signals (smarter than your last 10 trades combined)

• Better than your current strategy (which is, let's face it, nonexistent)

• "I'm Kind of a Big Deal" badge for your profile

OnlyCalls Degens (Now with more accessibility!)

• 14.069 minute delay on the DAPP (perfect for those who like to live dangerously)

• Access to basic features (because even smooth brains deserve love)

• Great for practicing your "buy high, sell low" strategy

• Weekly "Cope & Hope" support group sessions

• Only once the DAPP Goes Live

The Ramen Noodle Tier (New!)

• 69.420 minute delay (still faster than your Internet Explorer)

• Access to "Yesterday's Hot Tips" (Internet Explorer users, this is live alpha for you)

• "I'm Just Happy to Be Here" participation trophy

• Exclusive guide: "How to Turn $10 into $9 with Style"

Remember, degens, it's not about the size of your wallet, it's about the size of your... uhh... gains. Yeah, let's go with that. Now, who's ready to make some questionable financial decisions?